So uhh, there ya go men (and lesbians). No need to look for that perfect someone out there. Apparently "Lorraine Cosmetics" has said, "Fuck you and your search for perfection, because we are deciding for you..." They think they have the balls to dub this chick as having the most perfect face in the entire world, no questions asked. Umm who the hell do they think they are? Apparently, she has a "mathematically" perfect face... What the hell? You can't just backhand someone with a protractor and say it's mathematically perfect.
Look at her with that filthy mug...it disgusts me. Perfect? You are telling me that it is IMPOSSIBLE to look any better than this chick? Welp, I'm moving to the tropics and marrying a coconut. If there is no way to look better than that ever, then what do we have to look forward to. But, if she is so perfect, why isn't she already a celebrity for being the most beautiful person EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! Exactly, because she isn't... She is a waitress, go get me my food, maybe I will leave my number on the receipt, if you don't call/text, then fuck you, you were never attractive in the first place.
Also, were there even any men considered in this perfect face-a-palooza? Who said the perfect face was on a woman. You telling me that no men are beautiful?! There goes my self-confidence. I'm gonna go pound beer and shove cake in my face because I will never be beautiful. I'll call "People" magazine and tell them to cancel my audition for most handsome man in the world. I really thought I had it too...I officially retire, from all good looking competitions from here on...
This just completely changed the way I approach picking up chicks at bars. Before it was a nice set of cans and tight dress. Now I have bring out the ole compass and calculator to make sure her hair line to jaw line ratio equals the square root of the circumference of Isaac Newtons asshole
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